“Fake it till you make it” is the worst advice I ever received. 70% of people will experience imposter syndrome in their career. I know, I am one of them. ”How do you HANDLE imposter syndrome?” asked one of my mentees. Fake it till you make it is the worst advice you will ever receive. Instead, in the last 3 years, I applied these 7 principles, every day, to “embrace” my imposter syndrome. Not to "deal" with it, but embrace and manage it, that changed my life forever. Here are 7 steps you can take to embrace your imposter syndrome today without faking it till you make it:
Looking to become an influential and effective security leader? Don't know where to start or how to go about it? Follow Monica Verma (LinkedIn) and Monica Talks Cyber (Youtube) for more content on cybersecurity, technology, leadership and innovation, and 10x your career. Subscribe to The 10x Circle newsletter at https://www.monicatalkscyber.com.
“Fake it till you make it” is the worst advice I ever received. 70% of people will experience imposter syndrome in their career. I know, I am one of them. ”How do you HANDLE imposter syndrome?” asked one of my mentees. Fake it till you make it is the worst advice you will ever receive. Instead, in the last 3 years, I applied these 7 principles, every day, to “embrace” my imposter syndrome. Not to "deal" with it, but embrace and manage it, that changed my life forever. Here are 7 steps you can take to embrace your imposter syndrome today without faking it till you make it:
Looking to become an influential and effective security leader? Don't know where to start or how to go about it? Follow Monica Verma (LinkedIn) and Monica Talks Cyber (Youtube) for more content on cybersecurity, technology, leadership and innovation, and 10x your career. Subscribe to The 10x Circle newsletter at https://www.monicatalkscyber.com.
00:00:00:08 - 00:00:29:07
Monica Verma
Over the last two decades, I've taken many bold decisions of my life. Over the span of the last two decades. I've taken many bold decisions in my life, choosing to go into technology, moving ahead and breaking into cybersecurity, building my career as an ethical hacker, choosing to grow my career in leadership, building myself as an engaging storyteller and speaker,
00:00:29:07 - 00:01:00:04
Monica Verma
moving and building my life abroad in multiple countries, multiple times, even all by myself, learning different languages, cultures and people, among many other things. Many other such bold decisions. In all of these decisions. There was one thing in common. I was out of my comfort zone each and every one of those times. Sometimes way outside my comfort zone.
00:01:00:12 - 00:01:27:16
Monica Verma
The comfort zone was dot to me. Nonetheless and despite all that, I realized that there have been many times in my life where I felt paralyzed. Where it's been hard to step out of bed. Where I felt out of place, mind and space. In those moments, I felt like I can't move. I don't belong. I'm not enough. I can't take action.
00:01:28:00 - 00:01:55:21
Monica Verma
I can't make any decision. I'm not doing good enough. In those moments, I have asked myself: “What the heck am I even doing?” In those moments, I have felt like an imposter. But is this necessarily a bad thing? How did I reframe my mindset and changed my life forever, I'll be sharing with you in today's video.
00:02:00:03 - 00:02:25:14
Monica Verma
Welcome to Monica Talks Cyber. On this very channel, I share with you real stories, real experiences and real tips to 10X your career and your life. So if you wish to accelerate your career and life, and grow faster, subscribe to my YouTube channel Monica Talks Cyber, click on the notifications bell and let's get growing. This is Monica Talks Cyber.
00:02:26:06 - 00:02:57:16
Monica Verma
Over the last two decades, despite many bold decisions, despite successes, despite providing value to others, despite genuinely trying to help others, I have experienced imposter syndrome many times in my life. No matter what I achieved or what I did that feeling didn't go away. But is that necessarily a bad thing? Is that necessarily bad? Is imposter syndrome necessarily bad?
00:02:58:06 - 00:03:08:18
Monica Verma
How did I reframe my mindset, how did I get out of this vicious cycle? How did I go forward and change my life forever? Let’s dig right in.
00:03:10:18 - 00:03:45:04
Monica Verma
I've had my own share of hardships in life. Achieving my goals never came easy to me. Through all the decisions that I made, through all the steps and actions that I took, I've always been outside my comfort zone, pushing my limits and stretching my boundaries. Despite growing, learning, failing, but also sometimes succeeding, I have felt like an imposter. And imposter syndrome is more common than you think.
00:03:46:06 - 00:04:13:13
Monica Verma
Whilst environment around you can play a big part in triggering imposter syndrome, your mindset plays a vital role. It can play a key role in either direction. It can strengthen those negative voices even further and take you down the rabbit hole. But it can also break the vicious cycle and help you learn to embrace it, to manage it, for you to be able to grow stronger.
00:04:14:20 - 00:04:43:19
Monica Verma
Until 2020, I didn't even know that I had been experiencing imposter syndrome for the majority of my life for almost two decades. In 2020, one day I realized that already reached all my short-term goals. I'd been a hacker, been a CISO. I've had a good relationship. I still didn't feel enough. What next? I asked myself. I didn't have an answer, so I decided to talk to one of my most important mentors in my life, my father.
00:04:44:21 - 00:05:06:11
Monica Verma
I was in tears. I didn't realize that I was suffering from imposter syndrome until it was brought to my attention. As I was crying, my father consoled me. He helped me remember all those decisions I made, all those actions and steps I took as a result of which I have had an amazing difference and impact in my life and people around me.
00:05:07:11 - 00:05:35:01
Monica Verma
Kindly and empathetically, he asked me to notice and reflect on how sometimes I talked about myself and the way I shared feelings with my inner circle of confidants. There was a pattern to be noticed. A pattern of imposter syndrome. This didn't happen outside the chambers of the inner circle. But how I perceived myself was affecting me and my life, daily and heavily.
00:05:35:16 - 00:06:05:16
Monica Verma
It was affecting my growth. It was affecting my true potential. I started reflecting how I would always minimize and defend diminish myself, even when I should have been proud. I started noticing how I would find my flaws, my mistakes, my failures, even when I should have been grateful. I started seeing the clear patterns of imposter syndrome. But what is imposter syndrome?
00:06:06:18 - 00:06:30:09
Monica Verma
Imposter syndrome is a feeling of inadequacy and lack of self-confidence in spite of evidence of success. It is a feeling of not being good enough, not deserving success, even when you’ve achieved it. It can make you feel like a fraud or an imposter. And once I started noticing the patterns of imposter syndrome in my life, there was no going back.
00:06:30:18 - 00:06:59:23
Monica Verma
It was right there in front of my eyes. There was something I needed to do about it. Why? Because that made me look into the mirror for the first time. And for the first time, I could really see I was being so unkind to myself. I was being disrespectful to myself. I was setting myself up for failure. It took me almost three years of work.
00:07:00:12 - 00:07:38:03
Monica Verma
But here are some of the very key steps I took to embrace and manage my imposter syndrome. Not to deal with it, but rather embrace and manage my imposter syndrome. To be kinder to myself and also towards others. 1. Reframe the Mindset. Reframing our mindset or reframing our thinking from a fixed mindset that wants to control everything and be in control all the time to a growth mindset where being uncomfortable is good and is considered as a sign of growth.
00:07:38:12 - 00:08:10:02
Monica Verma
It's a very first step in embracing and managing imposter syndrome. This shift in perspective allowed me to not only recognize but really embrace my strengths, my weaknesses, but also my potential. It's only when we step out of a comfort zone that true growth happens. It's really where the magic happens. Every single decision I have made had pushed me out of my comfort zone.
00:08:10:23 - 00:08:40:04
Monica Verma
Every single time I've been out of my comfort zone, I have felt like an imposter, but I've also felt the most growth. And reframing your mindset about imposter syndrome to connect it with a massive opportunity of growth can really help you focus on the progress and development that you are making, rather than feeling overwhelmed by a perceived lack of ability, knowledge, skill, whatever X, Y or Z.
00:08:41:16 - 00:09:12:05
Monica Verma
So the first thing to remember is that imposter syndrome is not necessarily bad. It puts you out of your comfort zone. It is the growth opportunity. The issue is the mindset we have around it. If you think about it, imposter syndrome really is a growth opportunity. Reframing your mindset is key. 2. Embrace the Imperfection. To err is human.
00:09:12:14 - 00:09:44:04
Monica Verma
But we rarely allow ourselves to err and definitely not without feeling guilty about it. I've been guilty myself. Guilty of perfection. Perfection has been my real enemy for years. Maybe it's also yours? Even when I used to achieve something great, it is the lack of perfection that nagged me and became a constant focus. During my Masters, I was the only one to finish all my credits in the first year except one class.
00:09:45:02 - 00:10:09:07
Monica Verma
If I wanted, I could have finished my master's thesis and gotten my entire degree in just one and a half years instead of two. By I ended up writing the entire last year, not just writing, but rewriting and rewriting still until I felt it was close to perfection. Do you recognize a problem with that? While perfection was my aim, it was,
00:10:09:13 - 00:10:38:13
Monica Verma
It was unattainable. Since nothing ever felt like perfect. And this is the biggest challenge with perfection. You want perfection, but nothing is ever perfect. So you're never really done. I had to change that. And even it took me many years after that, to put it into action, I started giving a hard no to perfection. In 2020, I had am ambition to
00:10:38:13 - 00:11:05:07
Monica Verma
build Monica Talks Cyber. I didn't know what it would entail. I didn't know where it would go. I still don't know everything today. I didn't even have a perfect website, but I just bought a domain, just launched a quick website up and there was a first time in my life that I jumped into the cold waters, launched Monica Talks Cyber, and started building my brand, boom!
00:11:05:07 - 00:11:29:07
Monica Verma
Saying A hard no to imperfection doesn't mean that you're not systematic, structured or hard working anymore. It doesn't mean that you don't care as much anymore because I care so much about my brand. It just means that you embrace imperfection and don't wait for 100%. It just means that you apply for jobs even when you don't meet 100% of the criteria.
00:11:29:15 - 00:11:56:23
Monica Verma
It just means that you take that leap even when you're not 100% ready. Perfection is the enemy. 3. Focus on the Process. This is something you have likely heard from many, but what does it really entail? We have multiple goals in our lifetime. We have multiple dreams. What you dreamt of ten years ago is different from what you dream of today.
00:11:57:20 - 00:12:24:08
Monica Verma
What your end goal was ten years ago is likely also different from your end goals today. Who you were ten years ago is different from who you are today. Dreams change and goals change. The only true constant in this is progress and growth, or lack thereof. Let's take a real example. In 2007, I decided I wanted to be a hacker.
00:12:24:22 - 00:12:45:22
Monica Verma
In just four years, I did. In 2018, I decided to be a security leader. And by 2019, I landed my first CISO role. In 2019, I wanted to build my brand, Monica Talks Cyber and launched it in 2020. Since then, I'm still in the very, very beginning of my journey. I don't even know what the destination looks like. Is there
00:12:45:22 - 00:13:11:03
Monica Verma
even a destination, maybe a short pit stop. But will I ever be done with it? Does it mean I should be freaking out? Well, I did. After I jumped in the cold waters and launched my brand, it was scary. I came to the realization I didn't have a destination and I freaked out. But it was good being uncomfortable.
00:13:11:03 - 00:13:38:23
Monica Verma
It helped me focus on and embrace the process. I still don't have a final destination for Monica Talks Cyber, but today it's okay because looking back, I realized the real reason. That's what enjoying a journey is really about. Creating, feeling, learning, rebuilding and enjoying all while you do that, even when you don't know what the final destination looks like.
00:13:39:17 - 00:14:08:24
Monica Verma
Every time I just focused on the results, I forgot, enjoying the process and was filled with anxiety, which made me feel like an imposter. In 2020, I finally learned that being solely results and outcome focused was becoming really hazardous. Focusing solely on the outcomes and results contributed to my anxiety and leading me towards more and more imposter syndrome.
00:14:09:16 - 00:14:39:22
Monica Verma
Many times, even when the desired result was achieved. The lack of focus on the process and enjoying it made my victory bitter sweet. Since then, I've started to focus on and enjoy every process, every step, every lesson along the way, no matter the destination or even when the destination is not truly clear. Focus on the process. 4. Cut Yourself Slack.
00:14:40:19 - 00:15:10:03
Monica Verma
I've talked to many successful people, including my mentor. My mentor has opened and sold multiple companies, successfully. He has ventured in various businesses successfully. I've read, listened to and talked to various influencers. Here’s one thing I've learned from them, here’s one thing that they have in common. No one has it all figured out. No one. At no stage.
00:15:10:13 - 00:15:34:23
Monica Verma
Even with $1,000,000,000 company like Tesla, Elon Musk didn't figure out how to take over Twitter in a good way. No one has it all figured out. Neither I, nor you, nor the third person claiming to have done it all and figured it all out. I've had many successes in my life and in my career, yet I still am figuring my life and my shit out.
00:15:35:24 - 00:16:03:24
Monica Verma
Even as a leader, as a CISO, as a speaker, as a YouTuber and a podcaster, there's always be something that I don't know. Even in the field that I worked in for decades. There will always be something you won't know., even in the field you're supposedly an expert in. And that's okay. It's more than okay. Becoming a CISO, launching Monica Talks Cyber, reaching various successful pinnacles in my life,
00:16:04:08 - 00:16:33:09
Monica Verma
whatever you call success has only taught me, Taught me. Has only taught me one key thing. How I will never know everything. How I will never be done and how it is so okay. So I started doing something different. I started saying more and more openly. I don't know. To myself, to others, out loud. That felt so unburdening.
00:16:33:12 - 00:16:56:08
Monica Verma
That felt so empowering. It is okay to admit that you don't know all, to cut yourself some slack for all the things that you didn't do as planned, for not achieving your goals, for not having answers every single time, for not becoming a millionaire already in you twenties, for not waking up at 4 a.m., for not always being productive.
00:16:56:24 - 00:17:30:16
Monica Verma
It is okay. Cut yourself slack. 5. Appreciate the ‘Reverse Gap’. We cannot connect all the dots looking forward, but we can looking back, that's the reverse gap. Despite, putting in real effort, consistency, true passion, I would many times disregard my reverse gap, a.k.a. looking back at all the amazing progress that I had made from a time in the past to today.
00:17:31:05 - 00:17:54:19
Monica Verma
All the growth I had achieved till today. All the opportunities that I had unlocked so far. I would disregard my reverse gap, and that would many times make me feel like I'm not enough. Like I didn't belong. Like I don't know what the heck I'm doing. It took a deep look into the mirror, a deep reflection connecting those dots in the past.
00:17:54:23 - 00:18:19:21
Monica Verma
A deep sense of gratitude for my reverse gap to help me understand and embrace, and manage my imposter syndrome. Every single night when I go to bed, my partner and I say out loud one thing we're grateful. We are grateful for in our lives. One thing we're grateful for with each other. And one thing we're grateful for with ourselves.
00:18:21:01 - 00:18:49:24
Monica Verma
Nothing else or no one else can fix your imposter syndrome. And it doesn't even need to be fixed to begin with. It needs to be understood, reflected upon and embraced. That happens by reflecting and always being grateful for your reverse gap. Being grateful for today and being excited for tomorrow. Appreciate the reverse gap. 6. Accept Your Uniqueness.
00:18:51:18 - 00:19:20:09
Monica Verma
One of the biggest reasons for triggering imposter syndrome is comparison. Comparison with those around us. Comparison with the boxes we don't fit in. Comparison with what we lack or do not have yet. The biggest thing that we miss is that our uniqueness, you being different, is your strength. It is something that sets you apart from the others and gives you a competitive edge.
00:19:20:18 - 00:19:45:21
Monica Verma
It can be something as visible as a special skill or talent. Or it could also be something more uncommon and complex and intangible, like a different perspective of life or the world around you. I've been told by many over many years how what I did differently was apparently always wrong. How if I didn't fit the society’s stereotypes, I was wrong.
00:19:46:16 - 00:20:10:19
Monica Verma
I've been pulled down by many so-called leaders trying to put me in my place, a place that fits their stereotypes, a place that fits their narrative, a place that fits their expectations of me. For many years I did. For many years I tried to play their game by their rules that they set for me. Result. I felt lost.
00:20:11:03 - 00:20:34:06
Monica Verma
I didn't recognize myself. I didn't know who I was anymore. I wasn't happy. That's when I realized I needed to play the game by my own rules. That's when I realized that I can set my own rules and have the top three things that I have learned through that experience. Number one, you do not need to fit stereotypical boxes.
00:20:34:14 - 00:20:59:15
Monica Verma
Number two, you do not need to fit somebody else's agenda. Number three, you do not need to change or hide your identity to please anyone. You don't need to fit in. It's okay to not always belong. It's okay if you're not the best at everything. And it's even okay even if you are ‘weirdly’ different. Accept you uniqueness. Accept your ‘weirdness’.
00:20:59:24 - 00:21:30:06
Monica Verma
Treat yourself kindly. Be your best friend that you are truly deserve. 7. The Win-win Mindset. Having a win-win mindset can be a great way to embrace and manage imposter syndrome. When you have a win-win mindset, you view every situation as an opportunity to collaborate and grow, and you’re focused on finding solutions that benefit everyone.
00:21:30:13 - 00:21:57:03
Monica Verma
What you think, you expand. What you think, you attract. This approach can help you recognize that you are capable and equipped to handle challenges and that you’ve something to offer. The opposite is a zero-sum mindset. A zero-sum mindset is when someone believes that for them to win, someone else must lose. A zero-sum mindset
00:21:57:11 - 00:22:21:12
Monica Verma
not only fuels imposter syndrome, but it often also fuels anger and jealousy by seeing others win, leading to even further imposter syndrome. It becomes a vicious cycle. You want to break that vicious cycle before you get dragged down the rabbit hole. And I must admit, I haven't always been happy by seeing other people’s successes, by comparing myself to them.
00:22:22:03 - 00:22:46:12
Monica Verma
And we often get sucked into this idea of that if we're not winning, then we must be a loser. However, the biggest thing that I've learned is that we are all playing a different game. We're not even really competing with each other. We are competing or we are playing our own games with our own rules and just competing with ourselves and everyone can win.
00:22:47:09 - 00:23:22:22
Monica Verma
Life is not a zero-sum game. A win-win mindset is the most important change that I've noticed in my life that has brought me the biggest results. I don't compete with others any more. I don't see anyone as a threat. I'm ecstatic when others around me win. I love it, when I'm able to help others win. A win-win mindset can truly help with the imposter syndrome because it encourages you to look for ways to succeed without feeling like you have to be perfect, without feeling the need of comparison.
00:23:23:15 - 00:24:13:09
Monica Verma
It also helps you to recognize that other people have strengths and weaknesses just like you. Shifting your focus from How do I win to How can we win together can truly help avoid getting stuck in the imposter syndrome trap and rather embrace it, manage it, and grow through it. And even though it took me almost three years of work to apply these seven steps, to break a cycle that was built over more than two decades ago, these are some of the very key steps that I keep on coming back to, to reframe my mindset and help me utilize my imposter syndrome, help me appreciate being out of my comfort zone, help me grow and help me
00:24:13:09 - 00:24:42:22
Monica Verma
be kinder to myself and also towards others. These steps have helped me immensely, and I hope they can do the same for you. So please, please, please. This is too important a message. Like and subscribe, and share it with as many people as you can. I hope this can help you 10x your career and your life and also for the close ones or the ones that you believe need to hear this message today.
00:24:43:19 - 00:25:21:14
Monica Verma
This is Monica Talks Cyber. I'll back with more videos. Until then, take care and stay safe. See you next time.